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Snappy ComebacksPosted by Timm on 7th July 2009

This week’s blog comes from an experience I suffered at the hands of an early morning commuter. A typical commuter. You know the ones, standing (or a lucky one who got a seat and is sitting) in their own little world iPod on full volume blaring out the worst king of noise ...external headphone noise (or EHN for short).

Now you personally can’t quite hear it to sing along even if you wanted to, and it resembles a late night distraction by a mosquito that’s just annoying enough to keep you awake. These commuters are probably doing untold damage to their ears but more importantly are upsetting to all other commuters and subsequently damaging their life expectancy. Here’s the twist though, on this occasion the annoying commuter was me. I had my iPod on ear-bleedingly loud setting (11 for the spinal tap fans) happily listening to both of the types of music I have on my playlist - country and western - when an early morning fellow commutee (I think that’s a word?) turned to me and said “You know your earphones are terribly loud!”.

 

Normally I am a gracious early morning guy (after all I did have my coffee and my magazine) and was happy to ride out the daily journey to work like everyone else. However I could not let this opportunity go by seeing as my unwitting fellow commutee had left me a golden opportunity for a witty comeback. I thought about it for a few seconds and then smiled and replied “I know! Good aren’t they? I turn them up so I don’t get bothered on the train”.

Fellow commuter would have gotten a much better response had he simply asked “Excuse me mate, its 6.30am and it’s the first train would you mind turning down your headphones” - to which I would happily have obliged considering I hate EHN as much as the next commuter. But it was not to be and the journey continued.

 

It got me to thinking of all the other snappy comebacks in the past.

Groucho Marx replying to an older lady...
Lady: “I have never been so insulted in all my life”
Groucho : “Lady, you should get out more!”

Or another that is rightly or wrongly attributed to Sir Winston Churchill...
Lady : “Sir, you are a drunk and a bore”
Winston : “And you ma’am are ugly and a bore, but in the morning I will be sober”

 

In my storage life, I had one comeback that held me in great stead for many years and I applied it to the obligatory conversation that would come when I informed customers who were grossly overdue that their goods were to be sold at auction. The standard response was “If you sell my goods, I will get a lawyer and sue you!” to which my standard witty reply was “Well, if you can afford a lawyer you can afford to pay your bill!”.

This response did me well for many years until recently when a homeless con-man who refused to pay his bill, did in fact manage to get a lawyer and sue the company I was employed by. The company procedures were quite clear and yes he had failed to obey any of them but still I found myself having to back up my answers to the correct authorities to prove the company and the staff had done the right thing and tried everything to prevent the sale of the customers goods. The paper trail was very easy to follow given our heavy reliance on procedure , and was even easier to produce thanks largely to StorMan back-ups and the letter tracking process.

 

Keeping all letters and notes in the customers file saved me a few sleepless nights, I can assure you! The judge deemed the company to have done the right thing and then dismissed the customers claim. So, the customer (and by this stage I was using the term loosely), not feeling justice had been served (and don’t forget had a subsidised lawyer to use) then proceeded to sue me personally saying I had done the wrong thing. So back we went.

Again I supplied the notes from StorMan detailing every phone call, letter, email & SMS ever sent to said customer and the judge this time deemed that I had followed the company rules and seeing the company wasn’t in the wrong, neither was I. Strike 2 for the consumer (a term we had now labelled this person with, because he had long since stopped being a customer and was now just “consuming” our energy, time and money).

 

So with the use of his no-cost lawyer (no win no fee style) he then proceeded to sue the manager of the store at that time. 3 strikes you’re out I think was the judges final call and the time consuming and stressful situation was behind me but only because I knew I had done the right thing and could back my actions up with simple unadulterated fact that all the correspondence was saved for all time. All the witty comebacks in the world won’t beat a good paper trail and one that is easy to obtain is one that is easy to use. I can promise you less stress and more sleep (and possibly better golf scores) if this information and letter history is easily at hand when the time comes, and that time is right around the corner for all of us unfortunately.

Oh yeah and if you are on the 6.25am train from Rosewood tomorrow feel free to ask me to turn down my headphones, as long as I have a coffee in my hand your request will be met with a smile. Till next week!

 

Regards,
Timm (International Sales Representative, StorMan).